You know to see a doctor for an ache or cough that won’t go away. But where can you turn if your relationship needs a shot in the arm?
For some couples, professional counseling is the answer.
Studies show that, in the hands of a professional counsellor, marriage is successful 70-80% of the time.
In most cases, we don’t see our relationships and ourselves objectively. Most people are far more aware of how their partner is contributing to the problems in the relationship than they are. When we can’t fix ourselves, sometimes we need a third party’s perspective.
From a recent counsellors confession the main complaints couples bring take for therapy are “loosing connection and high levels of conflicts.”
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After research, its clear that growing apart is the single biggest reason people give for divorce. Or maybe there is a lot if conflict that is depleting your marriage and you just can’t resolve it on your own.
Major life changes or high levels of stress can put pressure on a relationship too.
Whatever the cause, it’s best to treat relationship problems sooner than later……….. Just as you would an illnesses.
In another study, on average, couples wait 6 years after problems develop to seek counselling. To me, that’s unfortunate, because the sooner you get help, the better your chances of success.
How the counselling works….
The goal of therapy is to give couples problem-solving tools.
Studies reveal that most newly weds expect to agree with their spouse far more often than they actually will.
We are never taught how to be in relationships or deal with the conflicts that come up.
There are very basic things people can learn about friendship and conflicts that make total sense, are very easy to do; and can really help. And that’s where counselling helps.
Over the first few sessions expect the therapist to interview both of you- together and sometimes separately. After that, the therapist should give you a feedback and a plan for treatment.
The average length of counselling is 12 sessions, but it can be different for each couple.
After four or five sessions, you should be able to tell if the therapy is working. By this time, you are communicating with each other in a more positive and effective manner. You should look for small changes week in week out. STYLING UP YOUR MARRIAGE
You can tell that couple counseling is working when you feel that there us some learning in your going on about the other partner. Maybe there is less conflict,or arguments are not so bad when you have them.
How to find the right counselor??
I encourage people to see someone who specializes in marriage counselling….. At least 30% of their practice. They have seen it all and they will roll up their sleeves and help you.
Also look for a counselor who is caring and compassionate to both of you and doesn’t take sides. A quality therapist should keep control of sessions and not allow you to interrupt each other, talk over each other, speak for each other, or have heated exchanges.
From my view, Rev. Abraham Nkanata makes a perfect bet for all couples based in Kenya and most likely within the Mt. Kenya regions; Meru included.
He will encourage you to decide early on whether he is best fit for you and will offer a referral if not.
If your partner won’t come……….Don’t give up.
Tell them you are worried for the relationship, that you love them and want their help in making it succeed.
You don’t have the conversation once. You have it over and over and you don’t take no for an answer!!!
If all else fails, try therapy alone. The counsellor may have ideas about how to change your partners mind.
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