Twenty years later on this past Monday I finally dove in.
Dust was blown off old untouched pictures. Clothes and reading glasses sorted; birthday cards and letters that spoke of living loving beings with joys and hope: struggles. Receipts and recipes of a clear vision proclaiming wellness for us their beloved: keys to doors they wished us to pass through and continue the vision. Their eulogys.
It was like going through the rubble and ash from my personal war and it wasn’t easy. Yet it was like a party celebrating each ones special life.
When the dust and ash were blown away, the glowing lustre of each person shone bright like a gem after polishing. Each unique life exquisitely cut out as a separate individual yet intertwined so beautifully into other lives, it was so hard to say where one really begun and where they ended.
4 loved ones all laid to rest in 2 years . The last three like dominoes fell in six month intervals. After a while,voices of condolences and well meaning advice merged and became background noise when it became clear there was a new urgency to staying alive and living purposefully.
Creating life was God’s balm for us who remained after the battle was over. Special children were born and raised with a fresh appreciation of life.
It was my battle: my pain;my story . Some feel sad and even sorry for me. And I have felt sorry for myself I admit but everyone has their battle. Everyone has their story. Everyones pain and beauty is unique.
An exasperated God picks me up again and again countless times and looks me straight in the eye and says ‘Gakenia my child, I love you with an undying love. I have a good and perfect plan for your life. Refer to my book in Jeremiah 29:11. I chose this battle for you knowing you can handle it; only the strongest soldiers go into the toughest battles. March on my child, like Joshua, I will be with you’.
Twice, I’ve lay my armour down. Both times the Lord Himself, Commander in Chief attended to my wounds of battle and carried me to the sanctuary to heal.
He’s moved me to a new battalion to carry a work few can grasp and handle. Even though we are fighting the same battle, some soldiers in my last battalion have a very different perspective of our purpose and were slowing down the army.
Reporting for duty today with the reassurance all is well. He will provide for my every need. My children I’ve placed them in His hands .
Good friends, our life was chosen and created before the foundations of the earth were built. With it’s joys and hurts, be of great courage and good cheer.
The Lord is on your side. Walking with Him makes it a journey not only to complete, but with a crown and a hope and a future.