My Queen, my woman, I love you.
But you make me promise you things I cannot execute.
You corner me to a wall and I say things to make you smile for a while,
Then I fail to deliver and make you wear a lasting frown.
Your friends tell you about a trip to Dubai,
You ask me if I can take you to show you that I love you.
You push me to say I will take you in December, I agree.
December comes and I don’t have the money then you claim that I lied.
I tell you about my business and how it will make more money in the next five years.
You tell me five years is a long time to wait, I should get serious and start buying a house in two years.
I agree, two years down the line, I can’t, because my plan is five years.
You make me promise that I will see you at six o’clock,
I try to explain to you that I can’t see you that early because of a deadline at work,
You throw a tantrum accusing me of not loving you,
Come six o’clock, I can’t show up, not because I don’t want to, but because I have a responsibility.
You push me to agree to a big wedding for us,
Knowing very well we don’t have the money.
I agree, only for our wedding plans to cause conflicts between us,
Because I agreed to give you an expensive wedding that I cannot follow through.
You ask me to come to church with you for the first service,
I ask if we can go for the second service instead,
So that I rest after my night duty.
You accuse me of backsliding because I was too tired to hear the alarm.
You push me to say I will stop a habit,
To make you happy I agree to it.
Then when I relapse to it, I find it difficult to run to you to help me and support me,
Because I know you will be mad at me instead of encouraging me back to my feet.
You ask if I can see you and spend time with you,
At a time when I am organising a relative’s funeral.
I cancel out on you and request if we can make time later,
Instead of understanding the matter at hand and consoling me, you get angry.
I am a man but I am so scared of an angry you,
And more scared to lose you.
This makes me say things I cannot deliver,
Or things I cannot deliver as quickly as you want me to.
This shouldn’t be the case, I should be honest with you.
I feel under pressure because when I say not now,
You quickly conclude I am saying never,
Then you deduce I don’t love you.
You are setting me up to failure in your eyes,
By making me feel I have to tell you what you want to hear.
Can’t we have honest conversations? Can’t we hear each other out?
Can’t you hear my reasons as to why some things I won’t do your way,
Or why I won’t do them when you want?
Can’t I have a difference of opinion and still love you?
Can’t I be a man who is honest with you, not one who tells you what you want to hear?
My Queen, I am going no where.
You have to trust me.
You have to stop armtwisting me to give you what I can’t,
And see me for the man I am.
I want to have honest conversations with you,
Without fear of you bringing drama.
Instead of it always being your way,
Why can’t we find our way through understanding?